100 classic jokes

1. A cockroach's latest tea doesn't think about rice. Even the mosquitoes don't grab it. Other cockroaches want to know what it is. The longest year of the year said: "Catch a swan, keep it safe. Because you want to eat swan meat."

2. A five-year-old son asked me what was in my hand. I said it was a mobile phone. He said why he called a mobile phone. I was busy singing to the left hand, a chicken, and a right hand. Duck." The son showed a more confused expression: "Why don't you call the duck?"

3. My friend and I walked to the fork, and we made a song: "I will send you away, thousands of miles away." So, "A thousand miles away" left.

4, my mother bit gave birth to two puppies, because my wife is a journalist, so we joked that these two dogs are "paparazzi", once we are going to kiss, I suddenly saw the "paparazzi" shouting: "paparazzi! "Wife scared: "Where, impossible, I let them go back."

5. North Korea says that the American people live in dire straits. The first edition of the Korean newspaper published a photo of an American who was sunbathing on the beach. The article: Americans are poor, no clothes to wear, no food to eat, people are starving, and no one cares... ...

6, a MM lost love, a few times to find short-sighted are found by friends and relatives in time to achieve. One day, my relatives and friends are not prepared to leave home. The eager friends and relatives are looking around. When they decide to call the police, they receive a text message from her: You don’t have to look for me. I am on the way to the Dead Sea. I like the sea. I decided. End my life there.

7. My sister was eating, and suddenly she flashed outside, and she was shocked and went out to watch. I came back with a breath; "Yang Liwei."

8, Auntie and Fifi are both ears. That day, Feifei saw Aunt go out; "Auntie, are you going for a walk?" "No, I am going for a walk!" "Oh. I thought you were going for a walk."

9. Auntie and Fifi discuss the stairs to their 50-story home. On the 10th floor, Auntie asked Feifei; "Is Feifei tired?" Feifei shook her head and they continued. On the 30th floor, Auntie asked Feifei: "Are you tired of Feifei?" Feifei shook his head and they went on. On the 49th floor, Auntie asked Feifei: "Is Feifei tired?" Feifei nodded hard. Auntie: "Well, let's go back and take the elevator to the house."

10. Auntie wants to take the test. Does the mother ask the auntie to read it? Aunt said: "I have finished reading." The next day, my mother saw the aunt's unsuccessful scrolls and thunder. "You have read why the test is so bad!" Auntie: "Mom, what I said that day is... I see, it’s over."

11, Nongfu Spring, a bit of insects. Press conference: The problem with a little insect in Nongfu Spring is like this. We don't produce mineral water. We are just porters of nature. Well, it is well known and has been stated in our advertisements. Since it is nature, there will be worms. If nature does not have worms, is it still nature? Finally, bless nature is getting more and more beautiful, and more bugs are better!

12, my son often likes to let her mother tell a story before going to sleep, listening to it will slowly fall asleep. One day, when my mother was away, he asked his father to give a speech. Dad readily agreed. His son was lying in bed, waiting for his father to tell the story. After waiting for a few minutes, there was no movement. The son opened his eyes and saw Dad. He is already lying asleep next to him. . .

13, after Wenzhou 7.23. Every time I say goodbye to my friends, I hear the words "After the period", I am nervous, I have to add a question: Are you flying or high-speed rail?

14. How much is your husband's annual salary? “8 million” “Ten, that is much stronger than my family, so happy. Your friend said. “This is the basic salary.” “What?” The friend asked. “Dream” "......"friend.

15, holding a fish squid hook, in the rivers and lakes, silent fishing, called "fishing play." Do not take the fish squid hook, in the city crowd, silent fishing, called "fishing law enforcement."

16. Sister: "The left eye is going to sleep, the right eye is not. What should I do?!" Brother: "Then you put, the window of the soul, all closed, not ok."

17, spring is like first love, summer is love, autumn seems to be love at dusk, winter is like angel love. So, what kind of love are we going through the four seasons? 360 degrees, Jiawu Fengyun, spring, summer, autumn and winter, sun and moon reincarnation, life and death.

18, news reports: 70% of men now want to have extramarital affairs. After listening to the husband, he said to his wife: "I must be the 30% of the men!" Then the news continued to report: The other 30% of men already have extramarital affairs.

19. Auntie was bullied one day, crying, crying, crying, crying, and drowning himself. . Feifei did not drown, why? Because Fifi will fly. .

20, Ms. Li is older, especially jealous of some words, once came to my house, I poured a cup of tea to her, after drinking, I asked: "Is it still?" Li Mama: "Drink!" Another cup goes down" Still drinking?" "Drink!" This is repeated several times, and Li's mother is not able to swell. I saw the message: "I shouldn't have been drinking for a long time." Li said with a sigh of relief: "I want to live!"

21, Jinmei and Xizhi two sisters have not found a good home, one day, they saw Jin Mailang and Xizhilang, so they married each other.

22, Nongfu Spring is a bit sweet, why is this? Because it is a bit worm. Really dripping? As for whether you believe it or not, I believe it.

23, buddy, you are too talented, people are only high eight fights, you are tall and eight fights, wearing three outfits in eight pockets, singing to 8 degrees high, trembling.

24, an eagle foraging, seeing a little rabbit running on the ground, then leaned down and rushed, and immediately grabbed the bunny, just about to take off, the little rabbit said: "I can see everything." Eagle Panasonic The catcher put the bunny. . .

25, [when the husband wakes up] wakes up in the morning, the husband said to his wife, we have ghosts at home, I went home last night, went to the toilet, opened the door light and lit it myself, and there was a cold! The wife slaps in the palm: You are in the urine fridge! husband:......

26, English test, the teacher sent the test questions to the students, a classmate raised his hand and asked: "Teacher, where is the name written?"

27, Xiaoqiang went to the zoo to see the monkey, the monkey exclaimed: "The second division, long time no see." Xiaoqiang: "You must admit the wrong person, I don't know you." Monkey: "I still pretend, I don't know who, I don't know. Look in the mirror."

28, when the mouse laughs at the cat, there must be a hole beside it. When you are a horse, you have to prepare a lot, many, many... holes...

29. Why do the little girls who sell matches have frozen matches? Because she sold the match is not firewood, the firewood can be warm, but the match is almost finished, so she is frozen to death.

30. A mosquito stared at your face, and the mouth could not be pulled out. I regretted it. After the death, I told all the mosquitoes about it. So everyone knows that your skin is too thick.

31. You have lost power there. Why are you hot in the summer when you are dead? Because you received my joke message. .

32. A tomato accidentally fell into the soup, so there was a tomato soup. . An egg saw it, wanted to save the tomato, and the result fell into it. There was a tomato egg soup. .

33. My mother told me about the romance of her and her father. Every time my mother is going to work, Dad says, "Be careful on the road." Mother replied slyly: "You put 78 hearts." Dad said angrily: "That 22 still makes me hung."

34, I am very lucky to draw a bag of rice on the online lottery, and I said to my mother, I just finished eating the rice at home. My mom didn’t buy it and waited for me to arrive with this bag of rice. Finally, I came. Yes, a sign for dumbfounded, rice 500g.

35. "What is love?" "Love is love, just like a person." "Simple, what is love? Two words." "I don't know." "Stupid, love is you and me." "How come? "" "Singing in the song: Love is you and me..."

36. "Auntie and Fifi play hide and seek. After a while, Feifei asked Auntie to hide it. Auntie said it was good, and Feifei went home."

37. One person has a dirty hat and never washes, but instead continues to wear it. Do you know why? Because "Zhang (dirty) crown Li (Li) wear"!

38. Staff: I am afraid to withdraw money so late. Going again during the day. Boss: No, the company is waiting to use the money. Clerk: In case there is a wolf... Boss: You go with a flashlight. Clerk: What is this? Boss: Meet the pervert, you take care of your face. That is the best weapon, I am very at ease for your safety.

39, Little Red Riding Hood walked alone on the small road in the suburbs, she went home before the sun went down, but she still met the wolf, guess what? As a result, Little Red Riding Hood was eaten by the wolf.

40. A scholar reads a poem, but he has no strength in his hands. Some people ask him what is the most treasured thing in this life. He said that it is four arrows, and everyone is puzzled. Answer: "Time is like (four) arrow" ear!

41. On a certain day, my girlfriend called: "Look, look, there is a meteor shower outside, have you seen it?" I saw it, and it was not a problem. I immediately said: "See, see, what about you?"

42. One day, the stone was thirsty and went to find an apple fight. As a result, the apple was injured. The stone took a cup and picked up a cup of apple juice to drink. Later, the stone was hungry, went to find an egg fight, and the egg was kicked into the river by the stone. As a result, the stone had egg soup and drank.

43. One day as a child, I asked my father: "Dad, am I the smartest child?" Dad said: "A fool, of course you are the smartest child!"

44, mother made a mask, heard someone ringing the doorbell, said to the three-year-old son: mother is doing mask can not see people, you go and see! So the son opened the door and let the incoming person say: My mother is doing something that can't be seen, you can wait for a while!

45, Rose laughs at the rose: Look, I said that the flowers should be subtle, too violent, that is, the table can not be reached. The rose is not happy: you are subtle, wrap up the fragrant, to install the hedgehog, and the top is also a barbed.

46, Summer is here, once my son wants me to take him to swim, I am very embarrassed to say: "I will not swim." The son was very angry and said: "How can Xiao Ming's father know." "He eats fish so he will swim." "The son grinned and said: "You can always eat chicken, will you lay eggs?"

47. Every time I say that I use a computer now, it is very convenient. I can also see each other through computer video. I said, "I can remember my own mind, the computer can really see it, it’s amazing, it’s better than people. The brain is amazing."

48, husband high school English is not good, now have children, for the next generation has a good English atmosphere, I forced him to learn English songs, a week I asked: "Learning?" "Learn." Husband confident Said full. Then the tearful melody came to my ear: A B C D E F G. . . . . .

49. My son just recently read "Transformers 3" and asked me a question: "Why do three stinkers arrive at Zhuge Liang? I haven't seen him with three arms and six arms. Is it that he will be deformed like Transformers?" : "..."

50, once saw her husband eating with other women, he was jealous and could not say straight, come back at night, depressed, my husband asked me what happened, I asked: "What do women love to eat men?" Bad laughter: "Tofu."

51, a stone to find things ... find and find ... to find a stone; they went to find ... find and find ... and found a stone ... ah, so the small ‘lei’ appeared...

52, the most cute ghost in the underworld selection, so the hanged ghost won the championship, because he died, not forgetting his tongue, how cute.

53. In fact, in the story of the tortoise and the hare, there is a little-known cold joke that is shared with you today: the rabbit is far ahead, the tortoise crawls after climbing, and suddenly sees a snail. It says: "Turtle brother, I am with you. Take the road, take me one." The tortoise nodded. After the tortoise overtook the sleeping rabbit, he met an ant that was not sunburned. He also went up on the tortoise shell. The snail yelled: "The buddy got it, Fast, don't get rid of it."

54. Motor vehicles and toy cars boast together. The motor vehicle said: "I am a big man and can do things for people, so people like me very much!" The toy car said with disapproval: "Why are you big, and you can do things for people?" People are riding people sitting? And I am different, people have to let me sit and let me ride." The motor vehicle heard the words.

55. Guess why everyone likes to talk about jokes now? It's hot? No. . Very bored? No. . because. . No cold crying. .

56. I thought that this life can go hand in hand with you. I thought I could love you day and night. I thought that I only had one of you in my life. I met your rich second man yesterday, hey, forgive me!

57. Go to the meeting one day, and then greet each other after entering: "Hello, comrade, which department?" A: "The education department." "Oh, fortunately, I will be lucky." Another said, "We are in the Ministry of Public Security." "Oh, hello, hello, long-awaited." The last one said: "We, that, um... the relevant department" suddenly speechless. "??? God! I just heard that this time I saw alive!"

58. Who wins the Plants vs. Zombies? plant. Because the plant told a cold joke, the zombie died cold. . Plants vs. Zombies who won? Zombies, because the zombies learn to tell a joke. . .

59, ah knife and ah Zhu in a room, the next day, Zhu died, why? The pig was killed by a knife. . . . . . . . .

60. In the hot summer, I will send you a cold popsicle. I used to have a popsicle. I used to feel bored in the refrigerator. I said to my companion, "I went out to the sun." When I came outside, I complained: "I drop Relatives, so hot, take off your clothes." Take off, take off and turn into water.

61. Why do mosquito coils make mosquitoes not bite? Because mosquitoes and mosquitoes are fragrant, mosquitoes smell incense and fall asleep, of course, they don’t bite.

62, one day her husband came home to see his wife's hair dyed golden yellow, sighed: the sugar cane head turned into a corn on the cob, the next day, the wife went home and hot hair into a curly hair, husband: 哎, corn fried into a blast The rice is gone.

63, Auntie has a cold and cough, how

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